I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
