i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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