Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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