i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
ttyl tear gas
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
