dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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