the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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