his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
