He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
