My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize