I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
