you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
