You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
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