Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Houston, we have a blender
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
