Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize