help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
