I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
