She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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