I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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