Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
