Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
