he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
