Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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