so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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