god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
