I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
vagina is talking i cant
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Of course I have a pirate flag
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
