guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
