I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
