10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
