Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
