i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
