I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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