I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
