i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Is it because I queefed?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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