Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
