So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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