Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
