I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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