my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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