I just threw up on my dentist
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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