420 ftw
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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