suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
