You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
