get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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