The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
