Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
