Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
