You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
