i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
