not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
