You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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