So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
