Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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