I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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