I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize