Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
