Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
