Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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