So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
