After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
