All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
