If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
