I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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