My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
