I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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