My Higher Power is John Stamos
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
