I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
