thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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