We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
