Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am one with the molecules
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
