So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Quick, to the slutcave!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Slut skills are useful in every country.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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