I accidentally burped into my bong.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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