I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
