I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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