just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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