So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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