When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
