i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
