just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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