32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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