Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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