if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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