yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
