She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
