what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
