I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
