Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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