Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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