evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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