Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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